Updated: Aug 21, 2018
I grew up in a household with both parents who raised me the way parents should and no matter what we went through, we never went without food. Every family comes with problems though; my parents went through a divorce, leaving my sister and I with just my mom, which put us in a tight spot because we had to jump from neighborhood to neighborhood because we couldn’t really afford rent most places. The hardest part about that was adjusting because of the different cultures of the neighborhoods because most were impoverished areas.
Growing up, I always blamed myself for their problems because every argument they had resulted from the lack of money, so that’s when I decided to open a candy store in our home to bring in extra income. The success of the store then allowed me to sell candy at my high school, which allowed me to help out even more. By this time my parents were back together and this gave me some hope.
One day though, I went to my aunt’s house and she told me that she had seen my dad and I replied, “well yeah I see my dad everyday; what do you mean?” She then replied, “no your real dad”. When I got home that day I asked my mom what did my aunt mean by that. She sighed and said that the dad that had been taking care of me wasn’t my real dad. My heart jumped a beat because at this time I was 18 years old, so to me my life seemed like a lie and I felt inadequate and unwanted. Still to this very day, I constantly ask myself “what was so wrong with me that he never wanted to have a relationship with me?”
Time passed and I entered college, where in the process I conceived a child. I was not ready for it at all and a part of me wanted to do what my sperm donor did and run, but I said, "NAH, FUCK THAT" because I will never allow my son to feel the way I still feel to this day about my father. I’m not the perfect father and I know that I’ve made mistakes along the way, but there is no way that I will be the reason that another child in this world has to feel inadequate because their father didn’t love them enough to be a part of their life.