FUCK YOU. I'M BEAUTIFUL.
Updated: Aug 28, 2018
Despite being raised where I didn’t have to want for anything, and where people supported and loved me no matter what...I still developed unhealthy behaviors, ideas and negative thoughts about myself.
One aspect of my story that I think of is how I didn’t truly believe that I was beautiful or worthy of real, true, pure, LOVE. Middle and high school days, dark skinned, short haired, and athletic was NOT what all the boys were calling “sexy”. The people I called my friends would make fun of me, calling me “blacky” along with multiple other hurtful things that made fun of my size or my complexion. I started to do anything that I could that would showcase me as “better” than the next girl. As a matter of fact, I used to dress in ways that were purposely provocative to draw attention so that guys would think that I was worth their attention. I ended up losing my virginity and giving pieces of myself away to people that didn’t deserve it as an attempt to fill the negative space that existed in my own psyche. Even as I got older and into college, these behaviors continued to roll with me. Anybody that wanted to get to know me could - I had (sad to say) almost no standards. Rock bottom came in December 2016 when an argument with a guy I was talking to turned physical, and I ended up finally checking myself into therapy - because NO ATTENTION is worth my health or my life.
That day I finally said NAH, FUCK ALL THAT! No longer would I let this deeply rooted LIE control how I felt about myself and I damn sure wasn’t going to allow how men viewed and treated me control how my life ended up. I started looking in the mirror more. Smiling more. Doing things that made me happier. Working out. Ran for Miss Ohio on a national stage. Got back in good with God and got my circle down to those who’d NEVER tolerate my previous behavior again. The love that I now have for myself manifested around my strength, my courage, my willingness to be compassionate and my endless love for others. Not to mention I’m actually cute as hell lol.
Your validation? Your approval? Your delight? Your opinion? NAH, FUCK THAT because I’m bomb AF without it.