Updated: Oct 14, 2018
Not many people know something that I once considered to be my biggest secret. When I was 6 years old I was diagnosed with Trichotillomania, a disorder that causes an impulsive desire to pull hair from your body.
As a young girl, this word was the reason i would watch a movie and by the end have balls of hair all around the couch. When this happened, my brain produced the neurotransmitters “serotonin” and “dopamine” , the happy chemicals of the brain. My peers would tell me i wasn’t pretty and sing that little tune “ball head, scalley wag, she ain’t got no hair in the back” 😂😂😂
My mom learned my habits and noticed i only pulled at my favorite curls, which led to me getting a perm at 7 years old. Straight hair meant I couldn’t go searching for the next innocent curl. The only true cure for this is self will but HOW IN THE HELL do you tell a 7 YEAR OLD to have self will? Even now, I still struggled with my disorder, especially when I’m extremely stressed or bored.
Trichotillomania was once my nightmare (literally) but now I know that I am beautiful with or without hair. As a senior in high school, I shaved the back of my hair off to prevent myself from pulling out the back (my main problem area due to curls). I loved it! But today, I CUT IT ALL OFF. I have allowed my hair to cause me so much pain and insecurity throughout my life. I ruined the growing stages for my hair during my childhood, but who’s to say I can’t start over? I used to hate myself at times when I realized what I had done, but I’m now I’m screaming, "NAH, FUCK THAT". My hair does not define me. And I’m strong enough to resist any urge. This is a new Autumn. So wus really gud Trichotillomania? 😛